Language Access: Correct Pronouns & Terms

Just as people must be able to communicate in the language most comfortable for them, it’s vital that people are able to choose the words and terms used to define them. Language access includes accessibility to gender identity terms, consent language, and even legal vocabulary that pertain to survivor’s rights and options. For example, without the sufficient language,  children suffering from sexual abuse may not know how to make sense of what’s happening, how to identify, express or talk about it. Similar can be said for adults- who may have never been supported in processing traumatic events or given a language in which they feel safe talking about it. 

Words matter. How we say things can have an impact on how we feel or what we do. For example, many male survivors prefer the term unwanted sexual contact instead of sexual assault or rape when identifying their experiences. Genders terms, like the assumption that all survivors use “she/her” pronouns do a great disservice to the diverse gender identities of survivors. As the Georgia Fatality Review states, “using language that assumes the gender of the victim or the abuser and failure to use gender-neutral language such as “partner” may shut down a supportive conversation before it begins. “

 Using preferred language helps discussions feel safe, and serves survivors in feeling at the helm of their own experience. So often, survivors feel unrepresented in reports, news stories, or larger cultural conversations about sexual assault. A lot of harm has been done through the words used to talk about sexual violence. As our ‘Talking with Survivors” resources notes, “Often in news stories, the words are too vague or can imply things that didn’t happen. A victim of sexual violence doesn’t ‘perform oral sex.’ A victim doesn’t ‘kiss’ a perpetrator. These phrases suggest that the victim willingly participated.” Likewise, the term ‘alleged’ should be avoided, as it lends itself to a long history of skepticism which has created a culture of disbelief that hurts survivors. 

It’s important to examine the preference of individuals regarding how they wish to be referenced in relation to their experiences of assault. As we know,  experiences of sexual assault are deeply personal and complex, and individuals may have varying responses and feelings about the terminology used to describe them. While some survivors may find empowerment and solidarity in being called “survivors,” others might find both “victim” and “survivor” to be demeaning or uncomfortable for the following reasons:

• Loss of agency: The term “victim” can sometimes imply a sense of powerlessness and lack of agency, which may not resonate with some survivors who want to focus on their resilience and strength rather than being defined by the assault.
• Stigmatization: Some individuals may feel that being labeled a “victim” or “survivor” perpetuates a sense of stigma, making it difficult to move forward and reclaim their identity beyond the assault.
• Overemphasis on the trauma: Continuously using terms like “victim” or “survivor” can perpetuate the focus on the traumatic event itself, rather than acknowledging the individual’s multifaceted identity and life beyond that experience.
• Triggering associations: Hearing or being referred to as a “victim” or “survivor” might evoke painful memories and trigger emotional distress, hindering their healing journey.
• Presumed vulnerability: Some survivors may feel uncomfortable with the implied vulnerability associated with the terms, as it may not accurately reflect their current state or their ongoing process of healing.
• External judgment: The use of these terms can lead to others viewing the individual solely through the lens of their victimhood or survivorship, potentially leading to pity or stereotypes that are not reflective of the person’s true strength and resilience.
• Desire for privacy: Publicly identifying someone as a “victim” or “survivor” might infringe on their desire for privacy and control over who knows about their experiences.
• Self-empowerment: Some individuals prefer alternative terms that emphasize their strength, growth, and journey of healing rather than focusing on the traumatic incident itself.
• Moving beyond the trauma: For some survivors, the terms “victim” or “survivor” can act as a constant reminder of the past trauma, hindering their ability to move forward and rebuild their lives.

 

 

Recommended Activity: Listen

Working with Male Survivors: Understanding Expressions of Trauma for Men | Resource on the Go

Kenton Kirby joins NSVRC’s Louie Marven to talk about understanding expressions of trauma for men. Kenton is the Director of Practice at the Center for Court Innovation, and in this podcast, he addresses how advocates at sexual assault centers can learn from his work to create safety for a young man who has been harmed to talk about that harm, some of the common ways men express trauma, and more.

 

 

Resources:

Language Use for SA |End Violence Against Women International

Reporting on Sexual Violence | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

Let’s Talk about How We Talk… |Mo Lewis

Pronoun Myths and Misconceptions  |Grimalkin Records

Child sexual abuse: talking to kids 0-11 | Raising Children Network

All ages sexual abuse prevention conversation guide |CF Children

Pronoun Practice | Show Your Love Today

 

 

Return to the Language Access Toolkit landing page